she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
