Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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