Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
