All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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