My cat gives me a boner
It was confusing and full of hummus
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
