his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have aggressive nipples.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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