Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
