i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
