This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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