I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
