Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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