The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.