Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.