i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting