an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life