I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drake has all the answers
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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