But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's always time for handjobs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.