I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
