I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
