god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
