I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
