I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
