Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
