I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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