between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize