hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
