As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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