Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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