the day after is always just damage control
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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