I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
