so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
