I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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