before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
