Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
