So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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