Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
