so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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