I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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