please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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