we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
