Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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