I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
