I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
