i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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