I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
