i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
