you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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