Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
