Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Farmville is her only friend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
