Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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