I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want nice things and good sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Damn victory sex feels great
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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