The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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