Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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