I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's JV to your varsity
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
