If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
