I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
