Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
