I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
