Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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