honey bunches of taint.
sarcasm needs its own font
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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