It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
