dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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