I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
