barbara walters just said penis...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I smell like Dick and happiness
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
