So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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