just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
