I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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