All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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