I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
