New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My ATM looks so different sober.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
