she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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