Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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