I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
