just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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