why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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