i already hear my dad disowning me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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