FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
