Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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