we're chasing vodka with high fives
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
