should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
