he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
