That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
