(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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