meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
