a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
