birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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