Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
