It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
