Apparently you make a good broom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize