When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
