she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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