I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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