I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
