don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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