My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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